Moments of Our Lives

In deciding all the small moments in our lives, we build for ourselves how life as a whole will go....being that life as a whole is made up of a myriad of moments in which we make choices. Choices that shape who, and what we are, as well as what we could be someday.
    For example, if I were to spend every day of my young life learning math and things of the like, I suppose it would be obvious what I should do next. In my adult life I would spend my days doing much the same thing. Not because I enjoy math and science over much, but because its what I know, and I am used to it. Point being, we as humans, tend to stick to the familiar, and are taught that only the desperate and over all very outlandish people go out of their comfort zone's. Its just not the popular thing to do. Simply because we are to cowardly to venture out on our own.
    Those of us who do venture out are not alone. Those with the Lord in their hearts never fall very far, and if they do fall it is usually  to get them somewhere they need to be. The spectators see these falls a assume that it was the end of them, simply because all they can see is what is on the outside.When on the inside, such people grow strong and are blessed in the presence of the Lord. Just because you can't see right away doesn't mean its not there. And its because you cannot see it that it is called "Blind Faith".
    So I say to you, spend the moments of your life in the presence of God, and His son. For it is there that you will find the blessings and love in life that are meant for us all, and yet so few receive. It is there that we all might hope to fall and rise up in the mighty hands of God. I morn the moments in my life that I have wasted on things that will get me nowhere, and steal pieces of my soul. Now it is my honer that the Lord will restore these pieces of myself that I have lost to the world. Only in Him can I be innocent once again, only in His love can I be all that I can be. Not for myself, but for the glory of the Lord God my savior.

I Wanted to Be....Great

Ah. there is nothing in this life that can be compared to the moment you realize you have nothing you aspire to be. Not a hero, like a child. Nor popular like a teenager. Not a wife or mother, a grand mother, or even a wealthy independent. I have always been content to be just what I am, which isn't really anything. lol Just me.  I'm sure I have my strengths and weaknesses. I know I fail sometimes, but I also shine in moments of greatness, just the same as any other. In this, I am unique and normal at the same time, a contradiction, and a paradox, for how can someone be destined for great things if they have no great dreams?? There is simply no way. No starting point for the wonders to be born from. All greatness starts when one person realizes that they are worth more then what they are selling themselves for. That there is more out there then the small world they have trapped themselves in. That is when dreams come to be....the moment you allow yourself to have them, and believe.

Muzings of a Depressed Ninja

Fighting the emptiness. You imagine that you would be good at it, when the time comes for you. That when the whole world seems dark and grey; on the sunniest of days, you hope you have the strength to just get up in the morning, and are unsure how your day will end; Unsure if you will remember it when it is done. You might think that you can be more then what you are all by your lonesome, that you don't need God or good friends and family. But when a time comes such as this, and all you think about is your endless failings, and what you are unable to accomplish, how weak you feel....it will eat you alive. You didn't even have a chance, so, no matter how you think it will go, you are wrong. Don't believe me? You will when it happens to you.
    But do not despair before your time, you yet have much to live for, and your days remain filled with light. Relish the freedom of mind you now possess. And endeavor never to release it, in search of anything better. As long as you have God, and his children in your life....this may never happen to you. Thank Him every day you have your innocence, and saver it.

Face's of the Past

     I was looking through my old photo's of myself on FB, and I found a bunch of people that I used to know. Some of them where sad, some where mad and hurt, some had trust issues....and some where happy. Those where the ones I missed the most. The happy ones. They had something so fleeting, that people spend their whole lives striving for, but can never find. Not because of any failings on their part, but simply because they were looking for it. Happiness is like that, it likes to sneak up on you, not to be pursued. I mean...whats the fun in that? Haha those people in the picture were so caught up in their own worlds, they didn't realize that they were perfectly content to be precisely where they were at.
     What I failed to realize until recently, is that although those people may have my face, they are not me. I was them. But no more, so something I have to come to terms with is that I should not be looking over my shoulder, mourning the happiness I once felt, and left in the past. Nor should I look ever more into the future, simply to worry for what is to come, and what I can not change. I simply endeavor to live and feel, in the here and now. So that not one moment is wasted on foolishness, and all I have to give, is given to all.

Can I just clarify that I know musings isnt spelled with a z, I just like the way it looks. :]

Muzings of a Cat Lady

There is something both heartwarming, and sickening, about a dead mouse, left as a gift for you from your cat. Haha. I never thought I could feel so touched by a lifeless rodent, much less one that was occupying my sleeping space. That's right! She waltzed right in through my window and dropped it on my bed.
     Why, you may ask, is my cat coming in through my bedroom window? I live in a family of ten people and, only five of us are not allergic to cats. Its fairly lonely, especially since out of the five of us non allergic types, I happen to be the only true cat lover. Although having a cat to look bored while you poor out your soul to her helps a ton. But she never fails me when I am sad or angry, all she has to do is curl up next to me, and my heart finds peace in the rhythmic sound of her purring and the warmth that pours out from her little body.
     I will never have a friend like Trudy the tortoiseshell cat, she is always there when I need her, and she always forgives me when I am over come with the need for a cuddle and can't wait for her to come to me. lol I feel so blessed every time she brings me a dead mole, or some other small animal. It shows that she is only trying to take care of me, and that she wants me to be healthy and loved. I thank God for my cat every day.

My Brother, The Hero

So,  my brother wrote a poem. He is leaving to live in Portland with our older brother, John, and his wife, Rachel.They are nice enough people, but really big on the "do it yourself" point of view. Not that that is bad, it just means that he's gonna be pretty much on his own, which is more then a little scary. I mean, who wants to be all alone in life?? no one, that's who. But anyway, he is kinda a computer person, which means he isn't always fully in the world, its kinda a disadvantage for him, cause he was not dropped on his bum quit as hard as the rest of us....so the longer he is standing, the further he has to fall. I'm sort of scared for him. I hope that if you read this, you will have the grace to pray for him with all your might.

     This poem shows that he is scared as well, but he wont let that stop him. True bravery comes in the face of the unknown, for where most, if not all, would turn back, he will move forward, knowing in his heart and soul that the Lord has his back, and that is enough for him. I would give much to have such trust, in fact, I pray for it every day.

 As I Set Out 

As I set out in the less traveled way,
all my fears rise up to bar my way.

Showing me the worst that could be,
blotting out my hope to be set free.

But truth shines through like the sun,

letting me see what must be done.

I know it won't be an easy task,
or where I will end up at last.
  
But if I don't go,
regret will eat me alive.
For how will I know unless I try?

So, out doubt, out fear, and fantasy too.
What awaits me is more real then you.

For experience will soon reveal,
how the world compares to fairy tails.

A poem by Timothy Buckingham

Intro to: Molly's Muzings

I made this blog to let loose some of my more violent creative musings. I have issues with this, because when it gets to to intense I have a bad habbit of spewing it all over any poor soul who happens to be in front of me at that moment, and it never seems to end well. haha So here I am, spewing it all over this blog page, because odds are that no one will ever read this, and I mean never. So this gives me the freedom to A: practice my spelling,  and B: get all of my words out on paper, or in this case, screen, without anyone judging me. :D I already feel so much better.
      So I have been thinking about confidence lately, mostly because I have such a great lack of it, but also because I feel it is an important part of every persons daily life. The need of it. The lack of it. The mystery of it. We spend so much time searching and longing for confidence, that it escapes us entirely. It is those that are indifferent to it that grasp it with ease and grace, but then...who among us is truly confident in and of themselves?? Not a one.
      The only confidence we know of, comes from the uplifting comments and high opinions of those around us, and those truly close to us. Some do there best not to care what others say or do, and insist that it has no effect on them or how they act. But truly, we all know that there is no way to have confidence without caring or being party to these others feelings and thoughts towards us. Secretly, we hope that they like our clothes, or that hat we decided to wear for the first time, or maybe someone doesn't agree with one or more of your life decisions. What then?? What is there to do but change ourselves to please others?? Nothing else can be done, all you can do is not wear that hat....or change that outlook....or shop at a different store. Just so that we can find ourselves in the positive regard of others. That is not confidence....not true confidence. What, if not this, is true confidence, you ask??
      Truly, it only comes through the approval of God. For only He can give us eternal regard, for he never changes His mind. He never decideds that we are not worth it, or that we aren't cool enough to hang out with Him. He loves us, not in spite of our clothes, or in spite of our political views. But because He chose to, and because he sees us as pure, and without fault, thanks to the Lord Jesus, He will never leave us. And that is what we can have confidence in, not ourselves or others. But in God, and His love for us.